Hold on. Hold on. There, look out of the window, we’re in your backyard.
Well, because I take your privacy seriously. And, that’s me being serious here.
Well, I’d like you to please read it in full. See I really want you to know what I’m doing about your privacy. Also, because a lawyer was paid a lot for this, and getting it’s money’s worth would be awesome.
Sure, you can even scream it from a balcony if you’d like. If you do, however (try with the animated voices of Kevin Hart and Mike Epps) that’s entirely up to you. You can also read it in the dark with a sock puppet. I won’t judge.
Well, change is the only constant in life so, yeah. Just take a look in the mirror, I'm sure you've seen some good changes over the years right?
For the little things like punctuation or fixing misspellings you probably won’t know. However, If something important, like plotting to rule the universe like evil villains or even worse singing karaoke, I’ll put a notice on this website, telling you all about it. This way we can reassess our relationship and the changes made to it.
Oh, I’m sure you will be.
Then if you just aren’t that into me anymore we’ll have to part ways. It’ll be tough but I’m sure you’ll get past it.
No no, I love getting compliments, but I’m sure your time is better spent elsewhere (Walking the dog, trimming the bonsai, maybe?) Now if you keep using my site(s) after the notice is published, that means you’re fine with the changes and well everything is consensual. No need to make the hotline bling.
Here below, I (“André Givenchy”) will explain to you (“you”) how I (“André Givenchy”) treat the personal information (“Personal Information”) I collect from visitors (“Visitors”).
Glad you asked. A “Visitor” is someone who visits my site(s). Like you. “Personal Information” is information about you that is personally identifiable, such as your name, address, email address, or phone number, and information that is not otherwise publicly available.
What? Let’s keep going.
Maybe because you like to make an entrance, superstar.
In general, personal information that is collected is used for four things:
You must be a scholar, that’s a great question! I don’t rent, sell, or share the personal information collected with other people or non-affiliated companies, except:
When reasonable, I will make reasonable efforts to notify of such disclosure before it happens.
Dona is out right now putting out fires.
She sounds like a wise woman, your definitely the responsible type for reading all of this.
You’re welcome, just don’t get “Litt up” on the job.
I protect your information by requiring employees (if any) who have access to the personal information to treat it as confidential. They will never share it with anyone or use it for any unauthorized purpose.
Sure, what is it?
I’m not always on this planet, so have fun wherever you’re located, pal.
Well, everything down to that birthmark of yours.
Ha, it’s a joke, almost everyone has one.
Basically, I know and store two types of things: First, there’s the stuff you send using the contact forms on my sites (your name, your email address, and whatever else you choose).
Then there’s payment information that you send if you buy something from me (which, by the way, I really think you should, because I’ve got quality stuff). That would be things like your billing address, your shipping address, and your payment information, including credit card number, security code, and expiration date. Now, just because I collect your payment information doesn't mean I store it, because, frankly, I’ve got other things to do. I simply submit it to a third-party payment processor, who are required by credit card issuers to meet specific security requirements. They in turn store and processes your payment information on my behalf using industry-standard security measures.
And lastly there are the things your computer and browser tell me (your IP address, software and hardware attributes, the pages you request, and information from our cookie).
That darn Harvey again. You know how that’s just how lawyers talk.
Well, you have the right to see the personal information you’ve provided, and to request it’s deletion from my database within a reasonable time.
Why yes, of course. According to California law, residents may request a list of what Personal Information, if any, I have disclosed to third parties for direct marketing purposes in the preceding calendar year, and the names and addresses of those third parties. If you do, I will provide you with that list. Requests may be made only once a year.
Generally, yes. But in case you were asking because of the Children’s Online Privacy Protection Act (COPPA), I want you to know that my websites are not intended for children under the age of 13, and I do not collect, use or disclose personal information from children.
I thought so. Anything else?